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Well, here I am, sitting in my bed on a Sunday morning, on day 15 of Nano. My word count is sitting on 12k. These past fifteen days have been hard in terms of my writing. There is a clear reason, and I should feel grateful that, worrying about a word count, is the only problem I have! But it is a problem, and mine whether it is big or not.
See, the thing is, I am writing the third Settler Series book, A Settlers Love, and I have always been scared to touch this book. I told myself coming up to nano, that I had to remember whos story it is, Ashleigh's, and not be tempted to put ABSOLUTLY EVERYONE FROM THE PAST TWO BOOKS IN IT! But guess what, the opening scene only excludes two people, Bree and Nash. I broke my own rule in the first chapter, and it has set the pace for the rest of my writing thus far.
I hate to say it, but I don't know how to overcome this problem. Perhaps I have had this story, and problem for so long now, that it had all muddled in my head.
How do I make Ashliegh be heart broken and not sound winey?
How do I make Nash appear dissconnected, but not heartless?
What is my conflict?
Is being heart broken, and not know what to do with your life conflict enough?
There have been moments during the last two weeks that I haven't felt quite up to the task to writing this book. But, just as I wrote that sentence, I remembered that this IS my story. I created the world of the Townshends and Martins. I should be able to get over myself! Right?
Thinking that I should be able to do this doesn't help, though. It doesn't help the fact that the first two books in this series have been so well recieved, that I don't want this books to be, just a filler, 50 thousand words if tieing up lose ends. Or worse yet, a failure.
I told my husband yesterday, who took the whole family out for the day so that I could write (yes he is great and knows my nanoisms now as it's my third year), that I just don't have a clear picture of what's happening. Every other story I have written, I could close my eyes and see the whole thing laid out before me. The only thing I would have to do is write it, and fill in a few blanks (which is hard but not like what I feel right now). But with Ash and Nash, I see snippets.
In a nut shell, I am awake at 6am on a Sunday morning, with three hours of church waiting, five kids to get prettied up, and a husband to pack for a two week away work trip, and I am freaking out about my nano. I either must be really shallow to feel so worried about a project of my own that I cant see that it can be set aside for a day, or i take this seriously and am really worried about bringing the best of these two wonderful characters to life. Sunday should be my day of rest, but my mind won't rest.
So, at 12,293 words, I am going to do something I have never done before, and write out of order. Sure, I have perhaps jotted down a scene or two that has played in my mind, before. But the only way I feel I can fix this, and reach my word count, is to write the scenes out of order, the ones I have had in my head for years, and see what happens.
And finally, this is the reason I am not posting my nano story on any sites this year. I figure, that even if I did post this story to wattpad or Tablo, I won't be posting my best work, even as a rough, rough draft. The past two years I have been able to bang out a story, have it flow and not feel too worried about the changes that need to be made, to publish the book. But this one is going to need major doctoring. Skills I am affraid I do not possess right now.
So, I will stop my rambling right there, and let you all enjoy the rest of your day.
Make it count...
Mel xx
